Shadows and Moonlight-- The Journal of Meier Link

Thursday

I spoke with Madame Kudou.. and much more recently, I spoke with Juste.

Madame Kudou and I spoke of my recent lack of desire to continue. I had been feeling less of this, as Juste needed me to help him 'learn the ropes' as it were. But now I am useless and he needs me no longer. But I know this isn't true, having spoken with Juste.

I... told him of my feelings for him. It was perhaps folly, but he aked and he asked for a truthful confession... and I have not yet been able to lie to Juste. It will perhaps someday be my downfall as I know not the reactions of either Gene nor Schu. I do not want to drive a wedge between them as they are beautiful together... They deserve each other.

However, I have found reason to improve myself. Madame Kudou told me that to fix myself I must find something worth living for. I had thought myself useless to Juste, but he... needs someone there to speak to when his lovers are gone and he is alone.

In another most overwhelming and unexpected topic, Madame Kudou informed me that I am one of her boys... This is.. unexpected. I knew she tended to take most everyone under her wing, but I had not realized I was included on that lengthy list. Startling it is to have it brought to my attention that there is someone whom I barely know who would be willing to walk through the fireiest circle of hell for someone she calls hers.

I have seen members of the Barbarois who were less viscious.

Mention of the Barbarois brings my scattered thoughts back around to matters at home.

The assassination attempt of just a short time ago made me realise that I perhaps have more political sway than I had first thought. I have gained an unseen enemy who seems intent on destroying me... and I know not why.

Perhaps it is because of my refusal to join any group or faction.. I have chosen to stick to myself in matters of politics and have therefore had to step on a few toes and my kind generally do not take well to being stepped on.

However, it is without precedent, this attacking without announcing. I am far too used to my enemies announcing themselves and formally challenging me to a duel, winner take all. It seems that this is an outdated method, and the new trend is to take your enemy out fromt he sidelines and let your minions to the dirty work for you. It is... dishonorable and cowardly in my opinion.

And now, after the fight at the Inne with the individual known as Arucard... I am almost glad of the practice in defense of myself presented by the minions. Otherwise my portion of the battle could have gone much worse.

Now that I have been back for sometime I note that it is too quiet. Something is about to happen, I fear. And perhaps I have just doomed myself to something coming about by writing those words. Yet I know I will not be taken easily.

I have found my reason to live and I sincerely plan to keep this new promise to myself.

I will fight whatever comes and I shall win in hopes that I may someday hold Juste or confort him again... If only for a moment.

Lonliness can thus be made bearable.
- Meier [+]
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