Shadows and Moonlight-- The Journal of Meier Link
When the sun sets and stains the horizon crimson, those trapped are free to roam in eternal moonlight...| Archives |
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Thursday
I have been rather lax in my updating of this meager journal. Ah well, it is not as though I have readers, now is it?Tuesday
The last day I actually surfaced anywhere near other people in the Inne Schuldig and I had a discussion.
Schuldig… is a man of many more facets than I had first imagined. He was not necessarily straightforward, but it was not to be assumed that he was hiding things. Yet now I see facets to him and wonder how I missed them.
He honestly feels for Juste; wishes the best for the fledge, yet he is in turmoil. I feel he may have never had a relationship of the depth Juste and Gene offer.
After discussing the situation with himI found that he seems almost afraid to lose Juste. This is good as it may give him the strength to fight to get Juste back.
Juste is young. His feelings are close to the surface, and only need a little push to be incited. He was hurt very deeply by Schu’s… misunderstanding of his feelings and the inner workings of their relationship.
I can only hope things work out. Perhaps my nudging Schu toward trying again will help. Gene seems to have forgiven him and will therefore be an asset in swaying Juste.
However, towards the end of our conversation… Schu brought up a very troubling point. He asked if I had hoped for their relationship to remain open-- though I had thought it exclusive in all truth. I find this point troubling as it has made me consider it. And I think he may have been right.
I won’t deny that I fine Juste very beautiful-- I pity anyone who does not find him in the least appealing, but I denied that I wanted him. No, I will not dwell on this anymore. This not something I should think about. Juste is beyond my reach for anything more than a platonic relationship with me serving as his mentor should he choose so. I can be nothing but his friend. This is fine. I will not wreck what chances he has with Schuldig and Gene.
No more dwelling. I have made my choice. I must move on. The Inne willing, I will find someone.
Thus… I wait.
- Meier [+]
...
Through some twist of fate-- or luck, whichever the case may be-- I am still alive… As well as at the Inne.Monday
The hour is early and the sun is near rising, but I felt the need to write. Many things occurred this night. One particular occurrence-- I am not proud of in the least.
My arrival here was rather… harsh. I was pulled from the ship moments after my last entry, which had indeed been enough time for things to start going horrendously awry.
I don’t remember very much from the actual ordeal itself… suffice it to say that it is something I perhaps should not wish to remember. Regardless of this, I digress.
I was dumped on the lawn of the garden barely avoiding the rosebushes. Everything hurt, and I am no stranger to pain, but this was a hurt like no other. The Hunger rose, threateningly so, and I… I took the first human I found. Or rather, the first to find me.
Though it staved off a worse situation, I am not proud of attacking Irvine Kinneas. Though, to my credit, I did not hurt him physically… I have no way to judge if my actions have hurt him in any other way. I apologized as best I could, offering explanation in images, showing the auburn haired young man the few images of the ship as it went down that I have in my memory.
I am not certain if I called out to one of the others as I slipped from consciousness… Gene’s name sits on my tongue, and I feel I must have elicited help from Starwind. It makes sense as it was his wrist I found myself feeding from when I woke. Apologies abounded as I reigned myself in, pulling my tattered dignity back together, trying in vain to present the face everyone had previously seen, the Meier they knew and not the hopeless creature I am.
Gene would not let it happen. I won’t recount the entirety of the evenings events, but it is needful to say that my secret is out. Juste knows of my inner demons now. Yet, surprisingly, he did not shun me. He offered words of solace, something few would do for one such as me. I do not know why I told him of it… why I told him of my betrayal. He did nothing. No words of damnation passed his lips, sealing my fate to be alone.
Instead, he summoned Laguna Liore. Juste likely knows I know he summoned the man, though Laguna seems to think his ruse of stumbling upon us worked.
Laguna is a stubborn man who took it upon himself to hug me. The gesture was rather soothing in the end once the shock wore off, but I do not see the purpose behind the action. Perhaps I have been Undead for too long… or possibly alone for too lengthy a span. Alone long enough that a random act of platonic expression shocks me?
I spoke with Laguna for some time, until Juste needed me to comfort him. Why is it that I despise myself for what I have become, but cannot see anyone else fall as I have? Are they all right in saying that I am not a monster? No, quite the opposite. It means I am simply a monster hiding well enough to be mistaken even when he confesses.
Laguna has done something to me… He has awoken hope in my heart and I know not why.
I fear the future.
- Meier [+]
...
I fear I do not have much time to write. Here I am in the last moments of my tenuous hold on life and all I feel I can do is write down what has happened.
This ship was never made for an extended orbital hold... Especially not one in as heavy a debris field as that of Earth... And now our orbit is gone and we are plummeting. The hull is rapidly heating and soon will begin to buckle under the strain. The ship has been slowly slipping from its orbit for days now... I knew and did not act and here I stand to face the consequences of my inactivity once again. The main crux started approxamitely 3 minutes ago and now.. As much as I deserve to die, I am not ready. There is too much left undone.
I do wish I could have been to the Inne one last time as I fear I will not go there when I die. No love awaits me to be heartbroken when I fail to return. Only Juste and he has Gene and Schu.. He does not need me. I have only fooled myself into thinking thus.
My time draws short. I should save this now while I can. Perhaps D will find it and take my place at the Inne. The Hunter could use a small measure of comfort.
- Meier [+]
...
